My Hope is in You, Lord [DAY 7: HOPE]

Our interns returned to America this past Wednesday. During their last service at our church, they had the opportunity to choose one last song to sing. They chose “My hope is in You, Lord” — in Nepali, of course. I tried not to make eye contact with my friend, and I noticed she looked tearful too. It was a sweet way to end their stay here, each of us proclaiming that our only true, lasting hope is in the Lord.

What a necessary reminder, too, it was to me personally — especially as we sent two of our friends back to America. My hope is not in having friends around to share our life with. It should not be in our team growing or our ministry taking off. It can’t be in my kids following the path I’d choose for them or my marriage standing on solid rock for the rest of our days together. In marriage, motherhood, and missional living, Jesus is the only thing I can confidently put my hope in.

Photo by Kelly Rockhold Photography

The people in our ministry and those that hold the ropes back home may let us down. Our marriage may fall on hard times. Our kids will stray from what we have taught them… AND people come to stay a while and then have to go back where they came from! If I put my hope in these things, I can only be sure of one — the fall will be that much harder.

Putting my hope in Christ, I rest in the promise that no matter what happens He is with me and will sustain me. When people or circumstances leave me reeling, I have a constant source of comfort and strength in the Lord. Because of all He has done and all I can trust Him to do, my hope is secure.

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.

He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.

In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.

Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.
Psalm 62:5-8

In Christ, my hope will never be misplaced.

I “make” God big in my life when I choose to put my hope in Him alone rather than in my circumstances or my relationships. 

What earthly things have you placed your hope in?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

Awkward Encounters of the Worst Kind [Day 6: BELONG]

I stopped to visit a friend in the neighborhood on my way home from the bakery one day. It had been a while since I checked in with her, and I didn’t realize her husband had come home from his work assignment out of the city. I simultaneously called out her named and popped my head around the sheet she hangs in her door of her one room home during the day time. I was surprised to see her husband and two friends sitting down eating heaping plates of dal bhat.

My friend was on the opposite bed with her sleeping son and invited me to sit down where she had been sitting. As she went to make me a cup of tea, the interrogation began. They grilled me on all the usual topics and then some. It was embarrassing and exhausting. She could not come back into the room fast enough! When she arrived, I quickly sipped my tea and caught up with her as well as I could. I tried my best to avoid any more questions from the three amigos. What I had hoped would be a time of connection with a friend turned into a very frustrating encounter. I didn’t savor the last drop of milk tea. I slurped it down as fast as I could, and said something in my second language like, “Oh, look at the time.”

Photo by Dustin Smith

It’s moments like these that cut right to my heart. I think things like, I don’t belong here. I don’t understand this culture. I’m not a friend — I’m just a novelty. As much as I love living here, there are times when the reality of what it’s like to live in a culture not your own hits home. And it hurts. I feel small and forgotten.

I fall into the trap of thinking that this friend or this house or this level of language ability will finally make me feel like I belong. Maybe if our ministry takes off, and my schedule fills up with opportunities to teach and train, I will feel fulfilled. But in all these cases, my thinking is wrong. The truth is, if I ever make my home in this world, it stands on shaky soil. The US or any other place I reside should not have my heart. My heart should always be in heaven. I find my belonging in Christ alone.

That friend or that house or that coveted lifestyle can make me no promises, but my Lord Jesus has made a few. 

 For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness (Psalm 107:9).

And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst (John 6:35).

The meek shall eat and be satisfied: they shall praise the LORD that seek him: your heart shall live for ever (Psalm 22:26).

He alone can satisfy the longings of my soul. My home is in heaven with him. My heart will always feel the tension of my desire to serve Him on earth and dwell with Him in my forever home. This is true whether I’m in my home country or on foreign soil. Until He renders my service here complete and takes me to spend eternity with Him, I’ll continue to faithfully stumble my way through this life of ministry and all its awkward encounters. Trusting that His promises are true, I’ll find my belonging and satisfaction in Christ alone.

I “make” God big in my life when I find my belonging in Him alone. When I trust Him to satisfy my soul in the smallness of my life with the vastness of His love, I will find the contentment I am lacking. 

In what places have you searched for belonging and come up short?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

 

Confession: These Stories Are Not Even Mine [Day 5: SHARE]

My husband spends a lot of time with a group of young men. He teaches them from the Bible and trains them to live as godly men as they help within the church. The long term goal is raising up some pastors who can lead the churches God allows us to plant. Really, he spends more time with these guys than he does with me — on a grump day, I resent that! When they’re in my home, I feed them and keep the coffee flowing. They call me “bauju” which means sister-in-law, and I kind of love it.

What I’ve realized as I try to share my “real life” stories with you is that most of them are not my own. And the ones that are are super boring. “Hey guys, one time I walked my kids to school and then did some shopping and made some food… then I did it again every day of the week.” Any of the stories of God giving us victory in our ministry or doing something miraculous in our family have happened mostly through God’s work accomplished through my better half. My prayer is that as our ministry grows, the Lord will grant me the desires of my heart to serve and disciple young ladies in the church.

Photo by Kelly Rockhold Photography

In the meantime, what I’ve come to see and praise God for, is that I have a share in my husband’s service for the Lord. I may not be on the ground level where all the magic happens much of the time. Rather, I’m cheering him on, encouraging him in little ways, and throwing up desperate prayers in all the times I feel helpless. I’m The Legs He Stands On, and as such, I have a supporting role.

Truthfully, the stories we share, though, do not belong to me or to my husband. We’re small characters in the story God is patiently and faithfully writing, and we know this. Even still, we are part of His grand scheme to bring people back to Himself. Every small story of victory and each tale of trial belong to Him. We are not the heroes of our stories, and we are not in control of what’s on the last page.

Am I going to struggle to share 25 more stories of my life with you? Absolutely 100% YES. But, like in every other part of my life, I’m going to have to trust God as He changes the plans. I know He will give me the words I need to hear and the stories I need to share. Whether they’re mine or my husband’s stories, ultimately they all belong to the Lord.

I “make” God big in my life when I accept the support roles He gives me and trust Him, in all His wisdom, to write the stories of my life.

What stories is God writing in your life?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

When I can’t Remember Why [Day 4: WHY]

“Why” is a question I find myself answering a lot. My kids often ask why we can’t just hop over to America and visit with our grandparents. Taxi drivers and shopkeepers inquire about why we would live in this country when many of them would give anything to live in America. Others, disapprovingly ask why we are trying to change the culture of this beautiful country. When the smallness of my life seems to contrast with what might be if I lived and served on the other side of the world, I ask myself why we put ourselves through all that we do.

The following is from a post I wrote earlier this year, and it’s worth reminding myself all these months later.

Photo by Kelly Rockhold Photography

I agreed to serve Jesus because He gave His all for me, and I am compelled to do all I can to magnify His great love. 

I agreed to work alongside my husband as we cross-cultures to share Christ because I trust him completely and believe in him wholeheartedly.

I agreed to learn a language and culture because there are millions of people that haven’t heard the Gospel in their heart language, and I may have the opportunity to change that — even if only for a few.

I agreed to raise my children away from the comforts of our home and our family because Jesus is worthy, and I want them to know that more than any other lesson I could teach them.

Jesus is worthy. Because of that I will agree to keep serving Him every day of this little life He gives me. I trust that one day — whether here or in heaven — the impact of that decision will far exceed my expectations. I’ll see our BIG God was at work in amazing ways in my little life. All because I agreed to all the little things He asked me to do. It all seems like small potatoes compared to what he’s done for me.

I “make” God big in my little life when I combat the frailty of my heart with God’s truth. I remind myself that the life He has called me to is worth agreeing to while I trust Him to work His way in it.

What is your “WHY” that keeps you following Jesus?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

 

The Lie I’ve Believed about my Little Life [Day 3: BELIEVE]

I have regularly been meeting with a young lady to study the Bible over the last year. I’ve had the privilege of seeing her grow in her understanding of the word of God as we have contrasted the truth with worldly teaching. Our meetings are simple — open Bibles and translated materials at my husband’s desk which I steal for an hour. Occasionally, we will have a cup of tea or a salty snack from the cart down the road. There’s nothing fancy about our meetings, but God always meets us there. We’ve had her and other young people from the church for countless meals and get-togethers at the house. She helps me wash dishes as we wait for the coffee to brew.

I’ve never thought of my role in her life as being very significant. But, one evening, while texting with her after helping her handle an uncomfortable situation, she said something that completely changed my perspective. She said, “I’m so happy. I finally have a family.” Cue the tears! What seemed small to me was such a big thing to the person I shared it with. God had worked in her life through our time together and bonded us in ways only He could.

Photo by Kelly Rockhold Photography

Sometimes I think my life and all its roles are just too small for God to show up in. I errantly believe that because I am just a ministry-wife/SAHM that God is not interested all aspects of my life and relationships. Though I do grasp the truth He loves me and is after my heart, I find it difficult to accept that He would show His great power at work in my little life. Homework helping and meal-planning, discipline and discipleship just seem like small boxes for the King of the world to tick off.

When I ask God to show me all that He has done, I see that He has completed miraculous wonders amid the monotony of my less-than-noteworthy life. While it may make for a yawn-inducing biography in the opinion of some, God has done great things. He has allowed our family to take young people into our spiritual care and disciple them in the word of God. He has made us mentors, friends, and guardians of two small souls in our home.

May I never be too timid to invite Him into the smallness of my life. May I always be aware of His presence each moment and the grace that flows through them. My prayer is that I’ll grow in understanding and persevere in believing that God is invested both in having a relationship with me and in using me in big and small works for His glory.

I “make” God big in my life when I believe He is who He says He is and that He will do what He has promised He will do even in my little life.

What lies have you believed about God’s work in your life?

Talk to me in the comment section below!