I Need to be Needy

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This world’s cry is loud. This world’s cry is power, but the cry of my heart screams louder.

The world says, “I am woman — hear me roar.” My Creator who loves me with unmatched intensity whispers to my soul, “You are weak, dear one. You need me.” The stark difference is clearly seen, and Lord knows I know the truth. But some days, I crave the world’s message. Insecurity gives way to an injection of self-sufficiency when I’m barely floating above my deepest fears.

It says, “I don’t need a man.” In a sense, it’s true — I don’t need a man. I need a God-man. I need Him every day and every hour. When I think I don’t need Him, that’s when I need Him most. The world tells me lies sweet to my ears but poison to my soul. My God whispers sweet somethings of truth which sweep me up in an unending romance. Miracle of all, in the admitting of my need, I am empowered to do all the things. Perhaps my greatest need of all is to be needy.

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Linking up: Five Minute Friday

 

Accepting Myself in Light of the Cross

“In Christ, there is nothing I can do that would make You love me more, and nothing I have done that makes You love me less.”
-JD Greear, The Gospel Prayer

I’ve accepted the gift of Christ, the payment for my sins on the Cross. Yet, day in and day out, I fail to accept myself — His reward for spilled blood. There’s this little thing in me that whispers I’m not good enough or I haven’t done enough. In short, though rarely uttered in quite this way, I’m not worthy. So, I try to prove myself with what I do for Him each day. Each day, I make mistakes, I drop the ball, I disappoint myself. I believe, too, that God must be disappointed in me. While I know I believe this in error, this thought sticks around and keeps me from fully resting in the finished work of the Cross.

I try to control the circumstances of my days to stack the deck for accomplishment or fulfillment. In all honesty, I’m not sure what I’m after because I’ve yet to attain it. There is only dissatisfaction in the hustle of trying to prove myself worthy. It is a futile attempt. I’m not, nor will I ever be, worthy of the work of the Cross. Even so, it has been completed already. It is finished. I am fully loved and completely accepted by the perfect risen Lord. I am covered by the blood of the Lamb. I am not validated by a check-marked to-do list because I have victory in Jesus. At least today –this morning or just this moment– I claim this victory.

The following comes from a post on my Facebook page:

The act of the Cross was a one-time act. Jesus said, “It is finished.” It is in the past. But that past act frees us from bondage to sin today. It frees us from pressure to perform, to earn, to please. The Love that bore our sin on the Cross burns as strong today, and the power that conquered the grave works in and through believers.

But, if we’re honest, sometimes the Cross seems far away. Sometimes, it may even seem a little impersonal. God forbid we believe this lie given to us by the world He died to save us from! The Cross was for you. It was for me. It is finished. We can rest. We are free.

Grace and peace for this day and every day.

Grace be to you and peace from God the Father, and from our Lord Jesus Christ, Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father: (Galatians 1:3-4).

If I truly accept the truth of the gospel, I must accept myself as a child of God and heir to his righteousness. If I shame myself, I shame the Cross by saying it wasn’t enough. Rather, I must rest in the finished work, never trying to prove myself to Him. Walking in communion, He will lead me into good work for His glory. When it’s done, I’ll know he doesn’t love me more because of it since He can’t love me more than He already does. The sweetest part of the gospel is that’s just impossible. While I’ll never truly be worthy, I can walk worthy because I know whose I am.

That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:  (Colossians 1:10-12).

How have you learned to accept yourself in light of the Gospel?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

 

Linking up: Five Minute Friday

The Good, the Bad, and the Busy + my word for 2017!

Busy Times

“Busy” just doesn’t describe the whirlwind that has been my life since arriving in the US. We’ve been busy with good things: visiting family and friends, teaching the Bible, allowing our kids to experience some fun “American” things, presenting the need at churches new and old, fundraising for Camp Refuge, and sharing about all that God has done in our lives over the past two years. But busy is still busy. And, sometimes, busy steals my joy. When my joy is taken from my hands, I see the good things in a warped way. Distorted images of the good things coupled with whispers from the Enemy about how things should be or how I am supposed to feel twist the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart into something I don’t recognize and don’t wish to claim. And, certainly, something that is not pleasing or acceptable in the sight of God.

But all the same, He has met me here in the busy and among towering grocery displays where I’m overwhelmed by choices and the confrontation with all the things I don’t have but think I may need. He’s met me in the awkward moments chatting with a long-lost friend to whom I’m explaining the complexities of my foreign life and finally realizing how alone I felt over there. He’s met me while turning prune-y in the tub, listening via headphones to a stranger read the Bible aloud because I just can’t keep my eyes open or focus long enough to let the word of God soak into my heart any other way.

I may be exhausted, but I am refreshed by the truth that God is not exhausted by me. He is not observing my head-spinning behaviors amid a seam-split schedule and shaking His head. When I turn my eyes away from the crazy and to Him, He doesn’t ask why it took me so long. He welcomes me back with a smile, and, though I feel a gentle conviction for neglecting my time with Him, there’s only peace and love where I thought there might be guilt and shame. But then I remember, that’s just not like Him.

My Word for 2017

The word I’ve chosen for 2017 is expand, and though it would certainly be relevant, I’m not just referring to my dress size since dwelling in the land of donuts and drive-thrus. I want to expand my knowledge and view of God. I desperately want to know Him more and grasp even the most basic understanding of His heart for me and for the world. I want to expand the reaches of my tiny tribe and the testimony of these lives changed by the hand of the Lord. I want to see the gospel reach into the streets of Kapan, Kathmandu and see families changed by the Gospel. I want to see the family of God expand day after busy day and week after weary week. I can trust He will be faithful to meet me there in desires met and others unfulfilled, ever expanding my love for Him as I consider His quiet and powerful ways of winning my heart. He may never be as demanding as a scribbled-over calendar with names and dates and tasks to be done. But in the going and the doing, I sense His presence. Without guilt and shame, I’ll turn my heart to Him again and see all the ways He’s shown Himself to me when I was too busy to notice.

That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power, (Ephesians 1:17-19).

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Moments of Hope @ LoriSchumaker.com, Monday’s Musings @ What Joy is Mine, Glimpses Linkup @ Embracing Every Day, Literacy Musing Monday’s @ Mary-andering Creatively, Tuesday Talk @ Sweet Little Ones, RaRaLinkup @ Purposeful Faith, Tell His Story @ Jennifer Dukes Lee, Mommy Moments Blog Hop @ Life of Faith,

These Days were Made to Be Enjoyed

 Five Minute Friday: ENJOY

“We have established an after-dinner routine that I quite enjoy. Usually, we are in such a hurry to get to it, we leave the dirty plates on the table and run off to tie shoes and zip jackets. The kids wait on the porch or rush the front gate to start down the hill on our family adventure. The crisp air and view of the mountains takes my breath away in the best of ways.

I gaze at my children whose hands are grasped together and grins are adorned with splattered spaghetti sauce. In our haste to start our stroll, I had forgotten to clean them up. I smile sheepishly at the aunties we pass along the way who signal their disapproval. Nothing could rob me of the joy of this moment.

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Except maybe when the kids’ smiles cease to join us on our walk. When their feet drag and the pitch of whiny voices reaches as high as the mountain peaks. On these days, we cut the length by a lap and hope for a better run the next time. I remember all the peaceful and wonderful moments we’ve had along these cracked roads and trust we will steal a few more amidst the hurriedness of busy ministry life. I wonder when they’ll start wiping their own faces and racing ahead of us instead of walking hand-in-hand at parents’ pace.

The good and the bad days. The long walks and the short ones. These days, precious and few, were made to be enjoyed. Sometimes, we just have to try harder than others.”

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Consider the work of God: for who can make that straight, which he hath made crooked? In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity consider: God also hath set the one over against the other, to the end that man should find nothing after him (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14).

Finding the Mission Field Outside my Front Door

Day 21, Five Minute Friday Prompt: PARK

The walking bridge in the main intersection near our house has been torn down. Major construction to replace it has begun as well as efforts to improve the traffic flow that jams it up on the regular. A temporary wall has been built which blocks off most of the intersection and re-routes every traveler.

In short, it’s a HUGE inconvenience. My husband has had to leave much earlier and has come home late every day. I am not able to get a taxi to come get me or find space on a bus to take me down to the main chowk where I’d just end up sitting anyway.

I’ve been parked at home all week. I have felt stuck and stir-crazy. I usually only get out once or twice a week anyway, but being forced to stay home makes me want to rebel.

I’ve gotten to know my neighbors a little better since we are all home-bound. Today, I sat with a sweet older lady as I waited (and waited and waited) for my daughter to come home from school. She told me that she briefly lived in Ohio as well as Israel and Beirut (where she survived a bombing). She has come back home to see her grand babies grow up.

I remember that in high-school, I used to ask God every day to give me a mission field. I didn’t realize at the time what a brave and scary thing this was to do.

Now that I am on the mission field, I am not as faithful with this prayer but realize I need to be. Because the tree and little patch of grass where my kids play ring-around-the-rosie is a mission field. And the little concrete slab next to a little bench where the same four ladies sit every night is a mission field.

I live the Golden Rule by seeing the humans among the harvest and by noticing the need right outside my front door. My ministry may not always be formal. Sometimes it’s not fancy at all: just two people sitting on a bench chatting the loneliness away.

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Sometimes God asks me to wait. Sometimes He parks me in the lane that’s not moving. Sometimes He asks me to follow him inch by painful inch performing small acts of service to Him. I have to trust that God will use me where I am in all the little ways I’m able.

Soon, I’ll be in America, away from this mission field for a short time. I better start praying now for that daily gift of ministry. I’m guessing most days my mission field will consist of two tiny people and the ministry opportunities they bring to me as it most often does now.

Is God asking you to serve Him in a waiting period?
Are your eyes open to the mission field on your door step?

Talk to me in the comment section!