Mommy Guilt

I’m about the share my biggest battle on deputation with you. It’s not sleep deprivation, lengthy drives, financial struggles, or excessive carb-consumption (though at times, all of these wear on me!). It’s Mommy Guilt.

All of those little things about deputation not only have an affect on my life but also on the precious life of my toddler. At times, I begin to feel guilty about the long hours in the car, the 100th french fry (or 4th chocolate chip cookie) of the day, or the fact that she has worn the same thing for 3 days in a row and has had the same 5 toys to play with for an entire month. I get frustrated by our lack of schedule and bedtime that fluctuates by 1-3 hours which sometimes results in the following:IMG_0291

Thanks to my informative friend but victimizing enemy, Facebook, I see mommies doing activities I had hoped to experience with Jolynn this summer, teaching new things in creative ways in their home, purchasing new play items to stimulate and entertain their children and creating healthy, yummy lunches. As I peruse these displays of mommy perfection, the scum rises to the surface. Jealousy (there it is again). Guilt.

So maybe my child hasn’t had milk in her sippy cup for a few days, and has watched the same episode of Veggie Tales 16 times in a row. But this mommy needs to forget Facebook and focus on what my sweet girl does get to experience. She has fun, meets new friends, and learns everywhere we go. She gets to see her grandparents, great-grandparents, and other extended family on a much more regular basis due to our frequent travels.And not only that, but she gets to be with her Daddy a whole lot! We sure are lucky ladies to spend so much time with Daddy!

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She is loved by many people in many states. People all over the US have her picture on their fridge and pray for her by name. I would venture to say that she has had more hugs, snuggles, and kisses than the average kid, too. She plays with brand new (to her) toys and meets new friends in different nurseries 3 times a week. Many people give her gifts to keep her looking spiffy and staying entertained.

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She is learning to sit in church and will soon be learning from the Bible! She has become extremely sociable and will go to anyone. The most common thing we hear about Jolynn is, “She never meets a stranger!” With each person comes laughs, learning, and love.

If I think on the right things, I can see that truly, my girl is a blessed baby, and I am one blessed missionary mama!

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3 Comments

  1. Katie Grasty

    Amber,
    I have struggled with the same quilt. But I realized that I wanted to create for them the kind of childhood I had. In my heart, my childhood was perfect. But they have no idea what my childhood was like. Nor do they care at this point. All they know is their childhood. And I have a feeling when they get my age they’ll look back and say, “I had the best childhood”. You see, what makes a house a home (or in our case our vehicle our home) is the love we share. It doesn’t matter what were doing. As long as God is with us everything is as it should be. And that’s what makes great memories for our children. Love ya!

  2. Wow. I feel like I could have written this myself! I couldn’t agree with you more on every single point. In addition, Lila continues to be petite (which seems to bother the pediatrian a good bit) and I have a hard time not blaming her lack of weight gain on deputation as well. I actually came to a breaking point with all of it last April. I was so frustrated with my lack of control over things that effected her that I was really, really struggling. It was like God said to me at that point, “Do you trust Me? I know everything about your situation, I knew this was going to happen before you did. I need you to trust Me because this is just the beginning and its better that you learn to trust Me now.” Don’t get me wrong, I am still learning to trust God on these things but giving Him that burden was much better then wallowing in my mommy guilt! Thank you tor sharing. It helps to know I’m not the only one that is dealing with this!

  3. Katie, you make a wonderful point! I have never thought about that, but I am guessing you are absolutely right! Thanks for pointing that out!

    Michelle, I am oh so guilty of wallowing! Trusting in the Lord should be a lot easier than we allow it to be! I hope I am also glad to know I am not the only one. We love our babies so much, but God loves them infinitely more!

    Thanks for your input and encouragement, my sweet missionary mama friends!

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