Ezra’s Story: Part Three

“Thank you” to all who have read the previous two parts of Ezra’s story. We have been so encouraged to hear from all of those praying for our family from all around the world! We have also heard from families whose lives have been touched by his story, and we pray that this trend will continue. This will be the last part of the chronological story of Ezra’s short life, but I will continue to share about our sweet boy and how his little life has affected ours in such significant, lasting ways!

While the labor and delivery of our sweet baby boy was painful and exhausting, perhaps the most trying part of the entire experience for me were the next few hours.

Paul called our families to tell them of the news of Ezra’s birth. We hesitated, at first, to share the news because we knew that they were exhausted from travel and would have just returned to their hotels to finally rest. However, our nurses warned us that Ezra’s body was deteriorating quickly and that by the time our families arrived, they likely would not be allowed to hold him.

They were happy to return to the hospital to comfort us and to hold their new grandson. We all wept together over the loss but marveled again at God’s handiwork evidently seen in the tiny details of our little boy. We shared the name we had chosen: Ezra Coleman. We all agreed it was the perfect name for our handsome boy (I have a post written about his name to be shared later).

Our families returned to their hotels to rest and give me time to recover. I still had to pass the placenta, and we dreaded the possibility of a D&C. Though I was physically and emotionally exhausted, I worked along with my midwife and doctor to avoid  this possible surgery. After two tiring hours, it was able to removed! We praised the Lord for a quick delivery- just 15 hours of the projected 1-3 days! My doctor shared with us that this was the fastest still birth delivery she had ever witnessed! We were so relieved and so incredibly thankful the Lord had answered our prayers!

Ezra had been taken away to have his newborn pictures taken by a professional photographer on staff at the hospital. The deterioration along with the manipulation of his body for pictures made it difficult for us to continue to have him with us in the room. His unsettling smell, cold skin, and deteriorating limbs and appendages were too much for this mommy’s heart to handle. We spent a few more minutes saying goodbye to our sweet boy and thanking the Lord for the few hours we were able to spend with him.

We called our nurse to take him from our room, and we wept at the thought of not seeing him again. Paul reminded me, however, that this would not be the last time; we would see our Ezra walking on streets of gold! What a comfort Heaven is!

I would rest as much as I could until I was released from the hospital on Wednesday evening.  My doctor wanted to keep me for monitoring, but we were anxious to get home, to see our daughter, and to prepare for Ezra’s memorial service. We promised my doctor that I would remain on strict bed rest until we held his service, and he was understanding enough to let us go!

While I was relieved to go, the full weight of the past two days’ events hit me as I sat in the wheelchair to be taken out of the hospital. That room, the only place where I knew my son, would soon hold someone else happily embracing their bundle of joy. We would soon be home, where we would try to live life as normally as possible while hurting inside from the crippling loss of our child.

The nurse sent Paul ahead to get the car, and for the first time I felt alone. The teddy bear given to me to avoid leaving the hospital with empty arms was not enough to comfort me. I tried my best to hold my emotions intact as we passed hopeful, waiting families. I felt their stares and saw the pity in their eyes, so I stared at my hands where I held my precious boy’s tiny knit hat.

I waited for what felt like hours for my husband to arrive in the circle with our car. I’ve never been so happy to see him! He held my hand the whole way home as I stared in silence at the long road ahead. 

The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit (Psalm 34:18).

8 Comments

  1. loribassham

    Amber, I have been thinking and praying for you through all of this. Wish we could be there. Love you so much! Thank you for glorifying Jesus through it all. My heart breaks with yours, especially as I have read each post. Continuing in prayer for you all!

  2. I wish I had more to say but all I know to say is that I love you. I hurt for you. I have said since we first met that you and Paul are special to our family and I mean that. I am encouraged and amazed by your testimony. Call me when you are ready.

  3. kelli Lail

    What a blessing to read your heartfelt journey, we are sorry for your loss and thanking God that one day you will see your precious Ezra again. Thank you for pouring your heart into these posts and for your ministry. Mike and Kelli Lail / your GBC church family!!!

  4. Cheryl Garmon

    Thank you for sharing your story! My husband & I suffered the same loss of our firstborn son Nathan Allen Garmon @ 20 weeks. You story sounded so much like ours. I went in for a routine exam & no heartbeat was found. An ultrasound confirmed that our sweet baby had died. I too choose to go thru delivery & I don’t regret my decision. We found out that his right lung was not developed & he would not have survived outside the womb. It has been 28 years since Nathans passing. God has since blessed us with 3 children & now 2 grand children. Nathan’s 28 birthday was May 15th. I love & miss him dearly, but I have the assurance that one day we will be reunited together again!
    Thank you again for sharing your story. Much love, hugs & prayers to you & your family.
    Cheryl Garmon

  5. sara

    Wow, you are such an incredible young woman…I cant even imagine what it would be like to endure this experience. We are praying for you and your sweet family. We love you very much!

  6. Angie R.

    Oh Amber I can only begin to imagine how hard this was for you and for you to share. Thank you so much for sharing. May God continue to use you and precious Ezra’s story to touch many lives and bring honor and glory to the Father. I will continue praying for you and your family. God bless you!

  7. Tonya

    Amber, thank you so much for sharing your precious story. You and your family are a testament to the grace and strength that our God alone can give to His hurting children. You have indeed honored Ezra and glorified our Lord even amidst sadness and pain. You’ve been in our thoughts and prayers and we will continue in prayer for you and your sweet family!

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