Creating a Monster

Joined a little Five Minute Friday party with lots of fun and friendly bloggers on Twitter. Most of them were headed to bed on Thursday night and hopping on to chat until the prompt was unveiled by the host: CREATE.

It was Friday morning for me, and I was feeding my kids rice for breakfast (because…Asia), but I loved connecting with those who love the Lord and love to write…just like me! So here’s my first official attempt at writing for 5 minutes straight- no proofing, editing, or overthinking. WHAT. WHY DID I SIGN UP FOR THIS?

00:00
Dr. Frankenstein thought he was doing something good. The blood, sweat, and tears had to mean something. What do good intentions breed? Apparently, a monster. 

I, too, have good intentions. My desire above all is to learn this language to reach these people with the gospel. In order to do that, I have attempted to create an atmosphere in which this is possible, even probable.

Leave my kids daily to attend language school.

Read my Bible in Nepali…only.

Listen to songs, sermons, and watch movies in my second language.

Walk around my neighborhood engaged in conversation, speaking in Nepali with those who would rather learn English from me.

Throw in a little guilt, competition, comparison, and cultural stress and…a monster emerges. My creation is crazed. My good intentions are laced with far too much guilt and much less grace.

5:00

What good is a fluent speaker without joy? What good message can I bring if I am not saturated in the grace that has been lavishly bestowed upon me? Pressure to perform, pushing farther and greater than I am made or expected to be brings only regret.

Thinking often of the Gospel Prayer (J.D. GREEAR)

(1) “In Christ, there is nothing I can do that would make You love me more, and nothing I have done, or could do, that would make You love me less.”

(2) “Your presence and approval are all I need today for everlasting joy.”

I don’t want to be a monster. I want to be an instrument of grace. Speaking boldly of His goodness. Working more and worrying less.

I know my God has only pure motives in creating me and placing me here. I sure would hate to turn what He has created for His good into something…else.

PicMonkey Sample

6 Comments

  1. Amber, I’m so glad you found Five Minute Friday, wrote, and linked up with us! It’s such a treat to hear your perspective. Thank you for your honesty. You are doing a good work! Be encouraged.

    On a side note, have you heard of Velvet Ashes? If not, you might like it: http://velvetashes.com/

    Hope this is the first of many FMF appearances! 😉

  2. Amber it’s so nice to “meet” you! This post resonated with me. I’ve definitely been the one to begin something iwth good intentions and end up creating a monster becuase of the striving for perfection, or acceptance, or any other number of things! You’re right, we need to offer and accept grace and give ourselves room to grow in the process of creating and fulfilling God’s call on our lives.

    Loved this post!

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