Motherhood Made me Beg God to Reign over Mouth [Day 13: TALK]

In the heat of the summer with no A.C. and too much on my mind, I found my fuse had become shorter than usual. I was impatient with my kids and irritated with my husband. I was a real GRUMP. Looking around on the reading app I use, I found a book called Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake. I knew I needed to read it. It was a Biblical challenge to examine my own tendencies towards sin and selfishness. It called me out on my sinful angry reactions with my family. It kicked me in the pants in the most holy way.

In the mornings, before I got out of bed, I began with a simple prayer “Lord, reign over my mouth.” Most days that was all I could muster before my two wild ones barged in my bedroom door a few minutes before 6 a.m. as per the daily routine. My triggers started early and appeared often, but it was my decision to let the Holy Spirit reign over my mouth or let the Enemy have His way in my home at my hand. It’s a daily battle — one I lose often. But it is worth fighting every day. The Lord, my strength and my redeemer makes victory possible.

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

Psalm 19:14

The words of my mouth — my talk — starts first in my heart. The things I dwell on deep inside find their way to the tip of my tongue. This is why it is imperative for me to be filling myself up with Biblical wisdom so I may talk truth to myself when my temper wars against the right I know to do. This is why I must guard my mind from worldly things that creep in and work against me. This is why I must empty myself and say, “All for Jesus.”

I desperately need Him to reign over my heart and mind each day. And I’ll keep asking Him trusting He will use me in spite of me and provide all I need to conquer my sinful reactions to all of life’s circumstances and all the people in it.

I “make” God big in my life when I talk the truth and allow God to reign over my heart, mind, and mouth. 

What area of your life do you need to ask God reign over?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

A Sacrifice of Praise [Day 12: PRAISE]

I sat in Ama’s home with a lovely group of women made up of Americans and nationals too. We had paid our dear widow of our church a visit with the hope of being a blessing to her. But I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we were all blessed that day. She made us black tea, and we conversed with her dogs to make her smile. One of the girls of the group shared later that a cockroach crawled between her feet. We thanked her for *impressively* remaining calm and not taking away from the sweet vibes shared between sisters in Christ sipping tea and enjoying the company of one another.

As the conversation died down, Ama showed us her beloved Bible — never mind that she can’t read — and sadly shared with us that a rat had eaten through some of its pages. She then pulled out her solar powered audio Bible and began playing in Genesis 1:1. She closed her eyes and smiled. She listened intently as if it was the first time she had pressed play on this device.

When she opened her eyes she said, “I love the Bible. It’s sweeter than honey to me.” I translated these words for our visiting friends, and the elders in the bunch got collectively teary-eyed. She began praising God and sharing with us how good He is. Even though she knew there was not one unbeliever in the bunch, she got her Gospel on in a big way!

Photo by Kelly Rockhold Photography

I was encouraged by Kate Motaung’s post today to change my vocabulary to regularly praise God for everything He is and every gift He gives. And I was encouraged by Ama that no matter how little I have or how small my life may seem on the grand scale of things, I can praise God big. I can offer a sacrifice of praise.

By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name. But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

Hebrews 13:15-16

It has been said that praise is the consummation of joy. When I’m truly enjoying God and relishing His gifts, praise is the expression of that fulness I find only in HIm. He is well pleased, and His name is glorified when I offer it back to Him. May my heart always be the kind that rejoices in the Lord and my mouth always be spewing sacrifices of praise.

I “make” God big in my life when I praise Him in times of victory and defeat, great joy and great sorrow. I “make” Him big when I enjoy Him and let Him (and everyone else around me) know it. 

What can you praise God for today?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

Behind Closed Doors [Day 11: DOOR]

I shared yesterday about my identity crisis of sorts which occurred after my son began to attend pre-school. I suddenly found myself with time on my hands — which we know for a mom of young children is a strange feeling! While I’ve always preferred to be out and about or spending time with people, I found that a lot of my time was spent alone. I do have a sweet lady that comes to help me complete the never ending task of cleaning a home in a dusty country, but other than encounters with her and neighbors on my morning and afternoon walks, I had little interaction. More dangerously, I had little accountability.

No one knew how I was spending my day. No one would know what is happening behind closed doors. Thankfully, I had managed to cultivate my devotional and housework habits while my little ones were still home all day. I just found I got them done a lot faster now! I did love to linger in my Bible reading and sip my coffee in peace. But what would I do with the two or three remaining hours before I would go get my son?

Photo by Martin Adams on Unsplash
A new “to-do”

I created a new sort of to-do list to keep my thoughts and plans ordered. It only listed these things: read, write, rest, create, connect, care. I plan to do another post on exactly what each of these entails, but it kept me mainly focused on being in the word and keeping busy while also making time to take care of my body and practice hospitality. Otherwise, I know I would have had a daily date with Netflix. We actually canceled our subscription months ago. Each thing didn’t get accomplished every day, but my list kept me on task until my house filled up again in the afternoon. It also kept me available for my husband and children should they need me during the day. I wasn’t nailed down to some big plan every day, just a few little things that could be squeezed in here or there or rolled into the next day’s list if necessary.

Daily questions

Aside from the to-do list, there are questions I need to ask myself about what happens behind closed doors:

  • Is who I am in private who I am in public? Or what I would want people to perceive me to be?
  • Am I spending my time in idleness (looking at you, Instagram) or in a way that honors Christ?
  • Would I be comfortable with someone I am discipling seeing who I am behind closed doors — or looking at my internet history or mirroring my TV screen?
  • Does my alone time indulge my desires or lift up the needs of others?

As I ask myself these questions I keep Scriptures like this one in mind,

Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts: and then shall every man have praise of God.

1 Corinthians 4:5

Time to grow

No one will probably praise me for staying home a few days of the week, but I know this is my training ground. I shared with you that my prayer is for my schedule to fill up with opportunities for discipleship and ministry. This does not mean that I should wander through this time aimlessly, but rather spend it intentionally. I should be seeking God and growing in my knowledge of Him. As I grow in the Word, I grow in my ability to lead others. I know the Lord will use this time in my life for the rest of my life and ministry.

For now, I want even my empty hours to honor Jesus.

I “make” God big in my life when I seek to honor Him in all the time He gives me — including my much longed for personal time.  

How can you honor Christ behind closed doors?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

How to Embrace the Smallness of Your Life [Day 10: HOW]

We started our son in pre-school just before he turned three years old. While I don’t feel a compulsion to explain myself to the internet world, I believe we had valid reasons for sending him. The reasons were based mainly on culture and our desire for him to have time with other children — something he was not getting at church or around the neighborhood. In the long run, I’ve seen that it has been so good for him. There are days the mommy guilt creeps back in when I compare myself to some rockstar homeschool mom, but I recognize that God guides us to lead our families in different ways all for His glory.

I suffered an identity crisis when my kids were gone for several hours a day. I didn’t know how to fill my time. I was restless yet idle much of the time. I was wrecked by the insignificance of my existence and resented that no one needed me most of the waking hours of the day — which is funny because I had moments of resentment about being constantly needed in the newborn years. The heart is so fickle.

Photo by Kelly Rockhold Photography

In the last year, God has done a work in my heart to train me to embrace the smallness of my life. I’ve learned to trust Him in every aspect and to use me in little ways as I seek to serve Him with the time He gives me each day. He has used the empty hours to make me fall in love with Him more than ever and revel in the life He has given me. While I could never present an exhaustive list which ensures this outcome, I do believe there are a few things we can do to truly embrace the unique lives and callings God gives each one of us.

Repent Sin

Realizing that that my longing for something that God had not granted me was a straight up sin was a big deal for me. I also had to take a hard look at myself and see that many of my ambitions were not God-given but were purely self-motivated. Recognizing the sin, I must repent over and over as I stumble each day. Moving forward, I must make choices that reflect heart change by the Spirit’s hand.

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, (Hebrews 12:1).

Give Thanks

This is the anecdote for many of my problems. I must learn to be truly grateful for the opportunities and graces God gives to me. Every good thing comes from Him. I will see that He has done great things in my life if I pause to give thanks for each one of them. Even the trials of life or daily disappointments come from His hand, and I can trust He will use it for my good according to His infinite wisdom.

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

Say “No” to Self

I must surrender my dreams and desires each day to the Lord. I have to decide day by day to trust Him with my collection of concerns and cares. Dying to self, I make way for the Lord to work through me without interference from me. This is the “return” of the repentance. I turn from my sin of selfishness, eyes on Jesus all the way.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33).

Enjoy the Lord

One of my favorite Scriptures is Psalm 37:4 which admonishes believers to delight in the Lord. The promise attached is that He will give you the desires of your heart. I’ve come to understand over time, however, that this doesn’t mean He gives me everything I want. As I delight in my relationship with Him, loving and learning more of Him, He changes me. He changes my desires to mirror His and accomplishes His will in my life. One of the greatest purposes and privileges of a child of God is to know and enjoy the Savior. When my focus is on loving Jesus, service is an outflow of my full heart for Him.

Thou wilt shew me the path of life:
In thy presence is fulness of joy;
At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore (Psalm 16:11).

I “make” God big when I embrace the small role He gives me to play in this big world and just enjoy being His.

 

 

The Most Comforting Words [Day 8: COMFORT]

We were knee-deep in language study and had learned by now what “culture shock” really means. We had been through crisis after crisis in our first few months on the field including (but not limited to) two major earthquakes and countless aftershocks, a landslide at our home, gas and power shortages, and a terrifying accident involving our daughter. We had seen God move in amazing ways and had found Him only to be a source of comfort and hope. Yet, chatting in the car one day after language school, one nagging thought was spoken out loud. “I can’t imagine living through another year of this before we go back to America.”

Photo by Kelly Rockhold Photography

As much as our hearts were here, looking ahead everything just seemed impossible and heavy. I was relieved my husband had expressed the same sentiment because, to be honest, I was feeling completely guilty over having such thoughts. The Lord blessed us over that remaining year and gave us a great visit back that recharged our hearts. Truthfully, though, we could have done more time and would have survived — even thrived — because of one vital truth.

And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed. Deut. 31:8-9

The same words that Moses spoke over the hearts of God’s chosen people before they walked into a dark valley are the same words that bring us comfort when walking into uncertain times. When I look into the future, I can become discouraged and think there’s just no way I can walk through that. God has preserved these words of comfort for us because the truths about our Comforter have not changed in all these years.

Comfort for the future

He will go before me, making a way for me to live and prosper in His peace. He will not fail me or forsake me. EVER. He will provide all I need to live for His glory.

Comfort for today

He will be with me today. Truly His presence is the only provision I need for this day and every day.

As I look too far into the future and sense that familiar panic begin to percolate, I can rest knowing His provision and presence are enough to get me from today until eternity. When I control my mind by the Spirit’s power to fret not about tomorrow but focus on God’s calming presence today, wild thoughts are reined in. God’s command to refrain from fear is not impossible because with God ALL THINGS are possible.

We have a couple years left until our “break,” but this time around, I’m not really counting. I’ve learned that His grace is sufficient for today and all the days I have left.

I “make” God big in my life when I comfort myself with the truth of His word and when I rest in His presence with me every day.

How has God’s presence calmed you during difficult times?

Talk to me in the comment section below!