Humility: My First Move in the Fight for my Marriage

Day 8, Five Minute Prompt: MOVE

I accidentally mixed up prompts 15 & 8, but in the spirit of giving myself grace and not scrapping a perfectly good post, I’m just swapping them. Anyway, I keep thinking maybe someone needs this like I do…

We are both stubborn. When the words begin to raise the temperature in the room, neither side is quick to concede to cooling it. He is better at sticking to his guns than I am. I usually forget what I wanted in the first place, but I still want to win, so I keep talking in circles.

I have met people who claim they have never had a fight with their spouse which leads me to believe one of two things:

1) They never talk

2) They have a different definition of the word “fight” than I do.

When a disagreement arises, so does an opportunity to show a tremendous level of respect for my husband. I can keep digging a deeper hole of hurt to bury him in, or I can choose humility before we go too far down our lists of grievances and end up knee-deep in regret.

I forget that we are on the same team. We fight for wholeness and happiness in our marriage, of course, but we also fight for the testimony of the work of Jesus in our lives.

Humility is so rarely my first move. Remembering the Christ that moved towards me in complete disregard of Himself, I am convinced it needs to be. I do quite enjoy being right, but I enjoy being right with my husband and portraying a right picture of the One we represent much more.

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it
(1 Peter 3:8-11).
Do you need to make humility your first move?

Let’s get a conversation about the Golden Rule in our marriages going!

 

The Test He’s Sure to Fail: Does He Really Love Me?

Day 7, Five Minute Prompt: TEST

He loves me…

He loves me not…

He loves me…

Pig-tails hang over slumped shoulders as a girl in a smocked dress rehearses the game she learned so young. She picks silky petals off spring blooms. One special boy in mind, fate is left to an odd or even number..

I’ve grown past this game, but I’m afraid I still bounce back and forth between “He loves me” and “He loves me not.” It’s not that I didn’t believe my vows or trust my husband’s word to be true. It’s just that tangible affections are affirming.

However, when I test my husband’s love on the teetering scale of my emotions, I set him up for certain failure.

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The acts of love must be lovelier. The gestures more and more grand. Not only does he have to measure up to my own lofty expectations, but he also has to compete with every husband represented by women live-tweeting their love.

Pondering the Golden Rule, I sense how unfair such a test is. I wouldn’t want him to measure my love based on today’s mood, especially since I have a cold and my kids hate sleep. I could not even handle thinking that my husband’s head would hit his pillow with any doubt left that he is deeply loved.

I tell myself what I already know: He loves me. He chose me. And I open my eyes to all the ways he shows me. What causes this doubt that I am loved and accepted? It starts between me and the God who made me and it seeps into the seams of my marriage.

God’s love for me has been tested and found to be 100% true. While my husband will never earn perfect marks, I can give him a break because I don’t need proof that I am loved. I find that in the pages of my Bible and in countless evidences of grace in my life. Everything beyond that is the sweetest bonus.

Are you constantly searching for affirmation that you are loved?
Rest in the 100% surety that you are loved today!

Fresh Market FridayFive Minute Friday is where I’m linking up today!

Defusing the Time-Bomb of an Overstuffed Heart

Day 3, Five Minute Prompt: WARDROBE

I live in a country where closets are not the norm. I count my blessings that my children will not be able to terrorize each other by jumping out and screaming like my brother used to do. In lieu of closets, we have giant eye-sore wardrobes.

My wardrobe contains anything from imported candies to hand-crafted wrapping paper but mainly holds my clothes. I’ve tried adding baskets for storage, but it is a mess despite my best efforts. My husband has all but given up trying to put any clean laundry away for fear of what will fly out when he opens the door.

This is so often the condition of my heart: overstuffed with burdens I haven’t dealt with or put in their proper place (those nail-scarred hands). An explosion of hurts and words blows upon those nearest to me.

I would want someone to prevent me getting my face ripped off, if possible, right?

Living the Golden Rule means getting down to the nitty-gritty with God and dealing with it all before anyone is close enough to be affected by the bomb blast. Some days, it will detonate, and there is clean-up for such messes. But, for now, regular maintenance sounds like a good plan.

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How do you see the condition of your heart affecting those around you?
Do you need to do some maintenance with God?

Talk to me in the comment section!

 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.  Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee (Psalm 51:10-13).

 

Earth-shaken, Fire-forged Love

Is it too late for a mushy-gushy post? It’s my blog and I do what I want to.

Valentine’s Day has had me reflecting on the love the Lord has so generously blessed me with. First and foremost the unmatched love of Christ in my life is beyond compare to any temporal love that could be shown to me this side of heaven. That, in and of itself, is a totally and completely WORLD-ROCKING concept when I consider how abundantly full my life is in the L-O-V-E department.

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See what I mean?

The mission field has changed me. It has changed my husband. It has changed our marriage. It has changed our love. Our love may not of the Hallmark red-pink splattered fuzzy hearted type, but it is a lot of things less glamorous…but better.

Our love is shoulder-to-shoulder language learning, one of the hardest and most humbling experiences of our lives to date.

It is waking up to an earthquake and falling asleep again feeling safe in his arms.

Long walks stumbling around fallen bricks and our fears for our children growing up in this strange place.

Being led across the busy streets of Kathmandu in complete trust of the man that guides me.

It is sitting at our farmhouse table morning after morning, sipping our hot water (yeah, we quit coffee…and I don’t want to talk about it) and reading the word of God in a language that lights it all up for us.

Our love is my man sneaking out to the laundry room to start a load in the middle of the night while we are graced with power.

Snuggles that start solely for warmth. Cooking love-laced goodies on hot plates. Falling asleep on his shoulder on our millionth taxi ride. Walks with our daughter showing us her “secret places” she is unaware are public knowledge. Sharing our bed with a handsome little man who refused to sleep for the first year of his life. Rushing around in supermarket sweep style a few times a month. Squeezed-in cheesecake dates into our busting-at-the-seams schedule. Crashing into our bed at 8 o’clock after long days and waking up in groans and shared contempt for mornings.

It is joys, hardships, and countless stolen moments of peace among the crazy. The hug that chauffeurs me somewhere else. The kiss that takes away the stress if only for a moment. Romance is something I don’t remember much. But that’s not to say I don’t know love. I know it well. Maybe better than most.

  

I know our love. And I wouldn’t trade it for the love that storybooks and movies are made of. It has been forged in an on-going war to win the world. And it sure sounds romantic when you put it that way, doesn’t it?

And to think…Christ loves me MORE. And this ain’t a fairytale! It’s good and TRUE news our love weathers this place to share.

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Tell me about your earth-shaken, fire-forged love!
I would love to hear your experiences in the comment section below!