Eliminating the Enduring Excuse of Insecurity in Ministry

Five Minute Friday: EXCUSE

Earlier this week, I ran out of money after helping a friend out at the airport. Unfortunately, taxi drivers in Kathmandu don’t take Visa. I had a taxi take me from the airport to my husband’s office at the church, so he could bail me out of my predicament. He willingly obliged and didn’t seem terribly put off by me hanging around for the afternoon. He and ‘his guys’ (men training in ministry) spun a bizarre story about something I needed to see in the back room. One of them even took a video as I stretched out one leg to open the door and  kept my eyes half-shut. I almost believed their story of a caged rat the size of a dog, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to see in there.

Instead of a scary beast, I saw a great gift my husband had been hiding away for me. They had been working on remodeling my Sunday school “room” which wasn’t really a room at all but was more like a giant storage space with all kinds of things little ones should not get into. Tears welled up in my eyes because I’m an emotional lady these days and because I was just so relieved. We aren’t big on romantic gestures and gifts on holidays, but this made me know I had been heard by my husband and he cares about my needs as I labor with him in ministry.

I said to him, “You know this won’t make me a better Sunday school teacher.” In a snap, my insecurities crept in to steal the goodness from this moment. I am not a natural-born teacher. I’m not even really great with kids outside of my own family. It is a challenge for me every week to get up there and teach — and in my second language, no less.

But my insecurities are not and cannot be an excuse to not do my best. Even if I think my best may not be good enough, my best can meet these kids where they are with hugs and candy, names-remembered and simple-truths taught. I may not create killer lessons that others would copy, but I can create opportunities to influence little lives. I can spur smiles and laughs and teaching moments — even if I’m not the best teacher.

My other excuse, my lame Sunday school room is history. May my enduring excuse of insecurity finally be history, too.

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And…here’s some pictures of “my babies.” I really do love these kids.

A Personal Pep-Talk from the Pages of my Journal

I had to give myself a pep-talk yesterday. In a matter of days, I had gone from a moment of great victory to the depths of defeat — but only in my mind. I was certain that I had no one who cared for me and no purpose in my life in this country. Saying it now, it feels so silly.

Tears stung my eyes as I walked home from dropping my son off at pre-school. I already feel like the crazy foreigner when I’m not balling my eyes out while walking down the road, so I tried to keep my composure until I reached my gate.  I retreated to my room with my Bible, notebook, and pen. I picked up where I left off in Philippians, and I came to chapter 4. I’ve read it countless times, but I knew I needed its truth in a new way. I paraphrased it into a motivational speech for myself.

I imagine I’m not the only one who needs to hear it today, so I share it with you now — prayerfully, as it feels so raw and personal. I trust this vulnerability is not in vain, and this message will reach someone who will benefit from it today.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 

First of all, God grabbed me with this — God is all about granting me His peace, but I have a part in maintaining it with prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving. I have to hold onto Him with all I’ve got when the darkness creeps in and the enemy claims territory in my mind. My focus must remain on Christ as I trust Him to transform my thinking.

I ask Him to change things according to His will, but first I ask Him to change me. In order to facilitate this change, I must order my thoughts according to the truths of Scripture. Guidance for this step of this transformative process comes in the next verse:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.


6 Things to Think about when I Need God’s Peace

When I need God’s peace, I think on things that are…
True

Think about God (duh!). Think on the precious truths of His Word which say you are loved and accepted in spite of you. Your God is good and loves you perfectly. Absolutely nothing changes that.

Honest

Think about the brevity of life in a way that frees you from bondage to the present. Live in light of eternity, saying “no” to the things that feed your flesh and “yes” to the things that build the kingdom of God.

Just

Think of your holy, perfect God and how He empowers you to be like Him on a small scale. Surely, this is an enormous gift. Steward it by striving to be like Him in every way you can.

Pure

Think of how you have been made pure, and live like the righteous being you have been made to be. Refuse to let the world mar our muddy your re-made reputation.

Lovely

Think always on Jesus and on His sacrifice at Calvary. Dwell on the precious gifts He gives each day.

Good Report

Think about what’s good about this day and this moment. Choose to see it in every situation and believe the best about others. 

Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

Finally…

Do what you know to do and leave the rest in the capable hands of Christ. Let His peace rule in your heart and dictate your steps. Change your stinking thinking and be conformed to the image of Christ. It’s all good.


And that was it. Simple enough but stirring, too. It wasn’t an immediate fix but rather a goal for which I must keep striving. The tears continued to fall, and I cried out to the Lord who knows and understands my heart better than I do. I asked Him to change things, but even more, I asked Him to change me.

Today, I am running my thoughts through the Scriptural filter of Philippians 4 and recognizing these unwelcome words for what they are — lies. Today, I am certain I am cared for, and my purpose is renewed.

All thanks to a little pep-talk I didn’t want to hear but knew I needed. Sure beats a pity-party.

 

I Need to be Needy

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This world’s cry is loud. This world’s cry is power, but the cry of my heart screams louder.

The world says, “I am woman — hear me roar.” My Creator who loves me with unmatched intensity whispers to my soul, “You are weak, dear one. You need me.” The stark difference is clearly seen, and Lord knows I know the truth. But some days, I crave the world’s message. Insecurity gives way to an injection of self-sufficiency when I’m barely floating above my deepest fears.

It says, “I don’t need a man.” In a sense, it’s true — I don’t need a man. I need a God-man. I need Him every day and every hour. When I think I don’t need Him, that’s when I need Him most. The world tells me lies sweet to my ears but poison to my soul. My God whispers sweet somethings of truth which sweep me up in an unending romance. Miracle of all, in the admitting of my need, I am empowered to do all the things. Perhaps my greatest need of all is to be needy.

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Linking up: Five Minute Friday

 

At the End of the Day, Rest is Best [day 31: rest]

Rest seems to be a theme I keep coming back to.  Even before I began writing this series,  Dream Big, Celebrate Small, I used — and maybe overused– this word in many of my posts and personal writings. By nature, I’m a striver or doer, yet I’m rarely satisfied with what I get done in a day. God has used my time in this country where it can be time-consuming and taxing to accomplish small tasks to teach me to slow down and rest.

But this doesn’t mean I throw on my robe and slippers and retire to my couch at 10 am. Resting in the work of the Lord doesn’t alleviate me from doing the work of dreaming big and celebrating small. Resting in Him means I do all I can and know to do and leave the rest to Him.

When I rest in Him, I still show up and chase my big dreams in marriage, motherhood, and missional living, but I do it all knowing He’s ready for me when I need a soft place to land. And when I do crash into His care, I know there’s no judgment there. I am heir to His righteousness, a co-laborer with Him, and a victor just because He’s won my heart with His great love.

I can rest in Him when good work gives way to weariness. I can rest in Him when discouragement knocks me off my feet. I can rest in Him when those that wish to derail my efforts to serve Him well succeed in their attempts. I can rest in Him all day, every day as I labor and lead this wild life He’s called me to live out for His glory. The work He does in my marriage, family, and ministry doesn’t stop when I do because our mighty God is at work around the clock in every time zone.

All that in mind, it’s clear to me — rest is best when it’s in His hands.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  Matthew 11:28-29

How can you rest in Him today?

Talk to me in the comment section below!

God Refines Me for His Ultimate Glory [day 30: refine]

The past 29 days of examining this habit of celebrating small in marriage, motherhood, and missional living have been extremely stretching for me. I’ve been challenged and encouraged in the day-to-day of chasing big dreams and falling down into the dumps of discouragement. My perspectives and ideas about what it means to praise God and when I should have been refined. And that has the power to change everything in my marriage, family, and ministry.

Refined — made better, purer by stripping down and recreating. Certainly, I am familiar with this process as God refines me each day. This process, however, is anything but comfortable. In my flesh, I want to say, “No more. That’s enough, Lord. I’m good.” But God wants more for me. He wants the reward.

Much to my dismay, it appears, there’s no reward without refining. In Scripture, we can see praise amidst this painful process penned in poetic word.

O bless our God, ye people, and make the voice of his praise to be heard: Which holdeth our soul in life, and suffereth not our feet to be moved. For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried. Thou broughtest us into the net; thou laidst affliction upon our loins. Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place.

Psalm 66:8-12

God is not anti-prosperity, happiness, or success. He is for me and longs to fulfill my heart’s desires as they line up with His will. First and foremost, He is after His glory, but He’s also after my heart.

And when I’m wise enough to look for it, I see His care in both the crippling and the carrying. I see how He sustains my soul and steadies my steps. This is more easy to grasp than what comes next — He brings hardship into my life and allows my enemies to oppress me. He puts me through storms of “fire and water.” But why does He do this? To bring me to the wealthy place — to give me the reward.

What did the Psalmist do in after arriving in the wealthy place? He released his grip on the reward to lift his hands high in praise to the Giver of good gifts. He knew who had lead Him through the pits of poverty into this place of prosperity, and the natural response isn’t reveling in the reward. It’s revival.

The refining isn’t the end of the line. Pain is not the period at the end of a sentence of suffering. The reward is God’s glory and the opportunity to sing it loud and proud. But there’s ample benefit for us in this, too. There’s a wealth of joy and singing and laughter. We praise because God is gracious and faithful in each part of the refining process. We celebrate small — because He has made us able.

How is God refining you?

Talk to me in the comment section below!